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I’ve been going through old writing lately and editing it, which has also stemmed new ideas for stuff. Here’s something:

"To the Man With My Favorite Name"

I was doing just fine
Until you re-entered my life
So many years I’d known you
Yet never paid you any mind
But now you’re in my head
Almost all of the fucking time
The thought of you heart & your touch
Is enough to drive me wild.

I hold no doubt
That we could work so well together
Though I haven’t even seen you
Since before last September
I’m not quite sure
What still feeds this attraction
Maybe because, though you made me neurotic,
Your presence was most relaxing.

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I deleted the old version of this and am now putting up my edited version from yesterday because I like it better. Again, tumblr won’t give it the proper spacing format and I’m technologically challenged so idk how to fix it.

“You” edited 10/15/14

These feelings shouldn’t be here

After so many distant months

And the lovers

That we’ve both been through.

Yet, I still find myself enamoured

By the concept of

Your affection;

Your devotion;

Your taste;

Your touch.

There’s no reason

I shouldn’t have let loose

Long ago-

We never even

Were together

But these feelings,

They’re a force

I have little control over.

I can try

To magnify your flaws

But I know

That it won’t change much.

I can tell myself

That it’s not meant to be

But there’s no chance

That I’ll believe it.


It’s pure insanity,

Or maybe

It’s honest intuition.

There’s something about you

That’s so magnetic

And I can’t seem to find myself

The proper distraction.

You’re different

Than most that I know

And you’ve said

The same about me.

There’s got to be

Some logical explanation

To make some sense

Out of this feeling.

You’re not

My usual type

And you, well,

You just like women.

A natural deterrent,

That trait would normally be,

Yet, I can’t seem

To get you out of my head,

Thinking of what we could be,

And could’ve been.  

Intimate ramblings: because, really, who even reads my stuff on Tumblr anyway? Also, sometimes it just helps getting stuff out of my head, not on paper, even if it is cyberspace (hashtag classy)

I think I’ve developed a stress rash on my back, chest and stomach. It’s itchy, bumpy, and swollen and a bit uncomfortable. Manageable discomfort, but discomfort all the same. Lately, I’ve been second guessing my decision to move back to RI (a lot), but perhaps it will turn out to be okay after all. A big stressor, as well, is that my ex-boyfriend from Savannah is refusing to pay back the $150 left that he owes me for bailing him out of jail for his DUI before I left. This, along with not making enough money at my two jobs, has left me nervous about bills and being able to afford to travel to Ohio to bury my father’s ashes with my family. A couple of people have offered to lend me money, but I don’t like owing people money. I would say that the only thing worse than owing someone money is someone owing you money.

I just really wish Alex would return to me what is mine and stop lying, making up excuses, and now ignoring me. It’s not cool. One of the most disappointing experiences can be when you put your faith in someone that they are an honest and loyal person, only to have your optimism tossed back at you like a frisbee; when their true colors prove to not be as spectacular as you had hoped. Even more, when your gut instinct gives doubts about a person’s character from the get-go and you choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, despite all the constant, intuitive nagging.

All I can say is that karma can be one big, fat, heavy-handed bitch.

There’s other stuff on my mind, but I think this is enough whining online for now. I tried going out tonight but I’m just so exhausted from work, didn’t sleep well last night, and have to work at 7:30 AM. Therefore, I’m snuggled in bed with my kitten, Violet, a glass of red wine, and some stand up comedy on Netflix :)

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